Me: Welcome to the show, Daniel.
Daniel: Well your step father is a good friend, so I’m always happy to help him out.
Me: Let’s get right into it. I’m not a huge fan of the Harry Potter movies but I do think it is awesome that you are Elijah Wood’s retarded little brother. What was it like growing up with him.
Daniel: Umm, I’m not Elijah Wood’s brother or retarded. So…wait, can I ask why you don’t like the movies?
Me: Well, I don’t watch them cause I love Jesus, Daniel. He was the original Dumbledore… Never married, killed by his own people, and had an awesome beard.
Daniel: I see, well I’ve done other films and plays that don’t include sorcery.
Me: Yeah, the one where you show everyone your Nimbus 2000? No thanks.
Daniel: If you never saw the HP movies, how do you know all these references?
Me: I’m just saying no one wants to see your elder wand.
Daniel: Again, that’s a reference from the movie. You are lying about not being a fan.
Me: If I had a patronus, I think it would be a bottle of Xanax that flew around and stopped my step dad from throwing ashtrays at me.
Me: Anyway that’s our show. Thanks Daniel for your time and damning America’s youth to an eternity of hell. Please take these church pamphlets with you as you leave.